Irrevocably Shattered Read online

  I look down at my hands, letting those words embed deep inside of my mind. I then feel Vinny lift my chin up so I can look him directly in the eye, “Do you know the only thing a man truly has in this world, son?”

  I shake my head no, earning a stern look from Vinny silently telling me to use my words. “What does he have?” I ask, not knowing that this one sentence, years later, was going to eventually be my final demise.

  “His word, Carson. If a man is a real man, he keeps his word. No matter what. E Finito. You are a lion, and the world is your prey. Don’t forget that.”

  A smile appears on my face for the second time today. “You did good, kid, you did good.” And with that, Vinny drops my chin, pulls out the newest Gameboy console from his suit jacket and takes me to our favorite cannoli spot to celebrate.

  Somehow, after the whole fighting situation happened, I returned back to school the next day with no further punishment. Come to think of it, I haven’t seen Tommy since that day either.

  Vinny was right, though, no one wanted to mess with me—or talk to me, at that point.

  Nothing that I wasn’t already used to; however, after that day, it turns out I had classes with Elliot, and we like a lot of the same things. Including getting a kick out of creating havoc, and lots of it. Other than that, we’re complete opposites of each other, including our looks. He had short blonde hair, while my hair was brown and shaggy. I have green eyes, and he has brown oval ones. I’m tall and slim, and he’s on the short and chunky side.

  Nonetheless, it didn’t stop him from holding back from the ladies. Elliot loves trouble as much as he loves girls, even though I get more of their attention. Not that I pay any mind to them, though. I don’t want the fate of what happened to every other girl in my life to happen to them, too.

  Going over to Elliot’s house after school became a daily routine, and tonight is no exception.

  It’s around eight o’clock when Vinny picks me up, and we’re on our way back to his apartment that he has here in the city. Usually when Vinny’s not here, I stay in the dorms at school, but tonight is Vinny’s last night before he heads back to Michigan, and we always make a night of it with dinner, cannolis, and watching old gangster films. He doesn’t know it, but these nights are always the hardest for me because I don’t want to say goodbye. The next time I see him again might not be for another couple of weeks. I can already feel the darkness taking over me again, familiarizing itself into my bones, and letting the loneliness root itself further into my blood.

  On the drive home, he seems on edge, and I catch him staring into the rearview mirror more times than usual with a strained look on his face. I look back a couple of times myself, wondering what he could possibly be staring at. Of course, it’s nothing more than the usual black Cadillac that follows Vinny around everywhere we go.

  I never question him about what he does for work, but with the amount of people who constantly go out of their way to say hello, or make special things happen just for him, not to mention the constant security that is always around him, it makes me think that he is someone really important, like the president or something.

  “Is everything okay, Vin?” I ask, running a hand through my tousled hair, something I’ve been doing for as long as I can remember.

  He lets out a breath, “It will be, son.”

  “Can I ask you something?”

  “You just did.”

  In a moment of bravery, I ask him what I’ve been wanting to ask him for a while now. “Are you the president?”

  A look of amusement crosses Vinny’s features, easing his mood. “No, son, I am not the president.”

  “Well, then, why is it that everywhere we go, people make it their mission to shake your hand, or that on Christmas when we went to eat at the Rockefeller and it was completely sold out, they made a table just for you and me? Or the constant gang of bodyguards who are always around you. It doesn’t make sense, Vin.”

  He pulls off to the side of the road, confusing the car following behind us. They stop as well, with both men getting out from their cars. Vinny waves them off, silently telling them that everything is fine. With obvious hesitation, they get back into their car, continuing to keep a watchful eye on us.

  Vinny turns to me with a stern expression on his face. “You are young, Carson, too young to know about the evils of our world, even though you may have experienced a part of it already.” Anger flashes before me at being reminded of that fateful day. The thought is interrupted as Vinny continues on, “But I want you to know this, my son. I am respected, because I demand respect. No, I am not the president, but you could think of me as one. I have responsibilities that typical men don’t usually have. I am very important in the world we live in, and I constantly have to have my guard up. There are many people in this world who would love to see Vincenzo Giuseppe Pentalini mess up, and that is not a luxury the familia or I can afford.”

  “What’s the familia?”

  “You will learn one day, my son, and the world and everything you know will all make sense.” He puts the car back into drive and eases smoothly back onto the road.

  “Hey, Vin?”

  “Yes, Carson?”

  “I want to be just like you someday.”

  A prideful smile plays on his face. “And you will be, my son, someday you will.” And with that he turns up the volume of the radio, letting the jazzy tone of Frank’s unique voice tune out the never-ending questions running rampant through my mind.

  Alayna

  Three years later

  Nine years old

  Michigan

  “Jase Pentalini, you better give me back Mr. Snuggles right now!” I place my hand on my hip, giving my stupid brother the best stink eye I can muster.

  “What? This old thing?” He raises Mr. Snuggles high up in the air with a daring look.

  “Put him down! You’re hurting him!” I shriek.

  “It’s a teddy bear, Al. He can’t feel anything!”

  I take a sharp intake of breath, “You take that back!”

  “Make me.”

  My hands clench at my sides, and a few tears begin to build up. He is the worst big brother ever! “You better or I’m telling Poppa!” I threaten.

  He falters just a bit, “You wouldn’t dare.”

  “Oooh, Poppa!” I make a run for it, and Jase chases quickly behind. “Eat my dust, punk!”

  “Alayna, stop!” I hear my brother shout from a distance away, but I don’t care. Jase has Mr. Snuggles, and this is an emergency!

  “Poppa, Poppa!” I shout, running into the only room in the house that I know he’ll be in.

  “Alayna! No! You can’t go in there!”

  I rip open the double doors and run into the room, not expecting to see it full of angry-looking men.

  My brother finally makes his way into the room, gasping for his next breath, and tries to tug me out of there. “I’m sorry, Poppa. I tried to stop her but I—”

  “But you couldn’t?” my father finishes.

  “Yes, sir.”

  One of the men in the room lets out a laugh. “You let a girl outrun you, kid?”

  I lift my chin and squint my eyes at the scrawny-looking man. “You would know. I bet girls run away from you all the time.”

  A few of the men in the room chuckle, and I have to refrain myself from sticking my tongue out at the stupid man. Doesn’t he know that girls are way better than boys?

  “Alayna, you know better than to come in here without an invitation.” My father tsks.

  “But-but, Poppa, he has Mr. Snuggles!” I choke out, inhaling the horrible stench of smoke that’s everywhere.

  My father points a glare at Jase. “Is this true?”

  “No…” Jase begins. Poppa’s face turns even angrier at the lie, causing Jase to fess up. “Yes.”

  Poppa gets up from behind his desk and stands in front of Jase with his arms crossed. It’s then that I know that he’s totally in for it. “And do we take what isn�
�t ours?”

  “N-no, sir.”

  “Because what happens if we do?”

  “We-We’ll end up in the gutter.”

  “Yes, son. In the gutter, with all of the other sticky-fingered men. Never to see your family ever again.”

  “Or Tessa,” I mock, seeing the embarrassment take hold of his face over the crush he has on my best friend.

  My father sends a stern look my way before zeroing back in on Jase. “We don’t take what isn’t ours, son, especially from family. Unless that someone is our enemy and has something of ours that we need back. Then, it is called retaliation.”

  I snort, “Poppa, we don’t have enemies. Everyone loves you, just as much as I do!”

  The men laugh even louder this time, and I look around the room, confused. What’s so funny? I want to laugh, too.

  “If only we could all look and view the world as a child again,” one of the men snorts.

  “Marone! We would all be fucking saints, then.”

  The laughter starts up again, and my father waves it off with his own soft smile, picking me up in his arms. “If everyone loved me as much as you did, Alayna, then who would be special enough to be my tesoro?” My treasure.

  “Still me, of course, Poppa, because I loved you first!” I hug him as tight as I can, and he hugs me just as tightly back. I missed him. His work trips are getting longer and longer, and I am happy to finally have him back home.

  He sets me down and pats Jase on the head. “Give your sister her bear back. I believe we have a party to attend. It’s my little girl’s birthday.”

  I hug Mr. Snuggles close to my chest and twirl my beautiful dress around. “It sure is! Now let’s go open presents!”

  My father chuckles, and the men begin to file out of the room, but not before the phone on my father’s desk begins to ring.

  “Mamma mia,” my father breathes. “Len, can you answer that?”

  I hold onto my father’s hand, waiting for him to join my birthday party to celebrate.

  Lenny’s brow tightens as he listens on the phone. He hangs it up with more force than necessary. “It’s the boy. Carson. He’s in trouble.”

  And that sets my father off. “Merda! Get me the first flight out to New York…NOW!”

  My little heart sinks, and I can’t help the tears. He’s leaving again. I finally just got him back. It isn’t fair! I drop Mr. Snuggles and run for my room. Forgetting about the party and everything else downstairs.

  “Alayna—” I hear my father call out, but I ignore him and fall into my bed to cry with one thought on my mind.

  Who is this Carson boy that ruined my party? And why does my poppa need to leave to go and save him?

  Carson

  I’m now fourteen years old and starting to fill out awkwardly. I’m taller than everyone in my grade, and the ladies are starting to take even more notice of me.

  Even Elliot has shed all of the baby fat he had when he was younger and hit a growth spurt, growing into a little ladies’ man himself.

  Today, he thought it would be a good idea to skip out on lunch and head out onto the football field to watch the cheerleaders practice—and of course, I’m not going to protest about that. I’m still a curious pubescent boy, after all.

  “Looking good, girls,” Elliot states, earning himself some harsh-looking glares from a few of the cheerleaders passing us by.

  I chuckle beside him.

  “What? Ever heard of school spirit? I’m just showing my school pride, that’s all.”

  I roll my eyes, “If school pride is Rebecca Lanson—the head cheerleader with the super short skirt and big jugs—then yeah, you sure are.”

  He stops mid-thought, “Hey, can you blame me? Besides, what about you and her friend Stacey?”

  Before I can reply, the football team comes into the building, finishing up their midday practice, when suddenly I feel someone’s shoulder pass me, a bit too roughly.

  I stop and turn to face the snickering football player.

  “Watch where you’re going, dumbass,” he says, turning back around and continuing to walk away.

  I catch sight of the name on the back of his jersey. Stewart. Phillip Stewart. A known bully, and the world’s biggest douche, is moving in for his latest victim. Little did he know, I have been waiting for an opportunity like this one, and I’m not going to be his prey.

  “Make me,” I state, causing him and the whole team to halt.

  “What did you say to me?” he asks, taking off his helmet and throwing it on the ground beneath him.

  My knuckles fist together, and before I know it, I’m right up in the kid’s face. “You heard me. Make me. I dare you.”

  Phillip laughs a bit too loudly. I can see a sense of fear overtaking his expression, and his tough-guy act is deflating by the second. “It was just a joke, man. Take it easy.”

  “Oh, now it’s a joke? Not so tough now, huh, quarterback?”

  Each step he takes back, I follow with one until eventually he’s backed up into a corner.

  “Chill out, man, it was just an accident.”

  He peers around the room, seeing his team now snickering at him. He realizes what a pussy he is and tries the tough-guy act again. Big mistake.

  “You think I’m scared of you, charity case? I know how to fight…you know why? Because I grew up with a father who taught me how, unlike—”

  I have his neck locked in between my hands so fast, the guy barely has time to take in his next breath. I quickly blindside him, shoving him hard against the lockers, connecting my fist with any area I can get my hands on.

  His teammates try to intervene, but I hold my own against them, as does Elliot, backing me up.

  I hear screaming and yelling, and even my name being shouted multiple times, but nothing can stop me at this point. The familiar sensation of pure adrenaline rushes through my veins, and I can’t get enough of it.

  This is what I live for. I’ll take on the whole fucking team and the next one. It’s like electricity running throughout my bones, fueling and pumping me with all the energy I could ever want or need.

  “Carson, get off of the guy before you kill him!” someone screams. It’s then that I finally snap out of it, pausing any further attacks against him.

  I drop the unconscious kid roughly onto the ground and step away.

  Teachers, staff, and students stare at me in horror as multiple football players lie bloodied and bruised before me, by my hands.

  I stare at Elliot who is just as stupefied as I am, breathing harshly through his nostrils.

  I take another glance around the hall, taking in all that had just happened. The expression that’s left on each and everyone’s face will forever remind me of who I am inside, no matter how hard I try to conceal it.

  A monster. I am a monster.

  Of course, as you can imagine, Elliot and I get into some serious shit. We sit in the principal’s office for what feels like hours.

  Vinny is furious as he walks through the doors. He doesn’t even spare me a second glance, he just goes right into the principal’s office, as his two men flank outside of it. He had to drop everything and fly in from Michigan just for me, not to mention it’s his daughter Alayna’s ninth birthday party. I feel horrible.

  “Why does your dad need two huge bodyguards?”

  I ignore the dad part, and ignore his question, as well, because even I don’t have a fucking clue.

  After what seems like forever, Vinny finally emerges from the office. “Elliot, you may go back to class.” Elliot stands up with shock clear on his face. “Uh, sir? Aren’t we expelled? Or even suspended, for that matter?”

  “Of course not, it was self-defense. Those boys planned that attack.” His expression turns stern. “Right, boys?”

  We stare, stunned; of course it wasn’t self-defense, we started it and ended it, but the look Vinny gives us tells us to just shut the fuck up and agree.

  “Yes, sir.” Elliot nods, adding no further comm
ents or questions.

  “Right, Carson?”

  “Yes, sir.”

  Satisfied that we both understand, he waves us off. “Now with that taken care of, I need to go back to the important things I was doing before I was so rudely interrupted and told false accusations against my son and his friend.”

  The principal grabs hold of Vinny’s hand, shaking it profusely, with sweat beading up at the top of his forehead. “I am so sorry, once again, Mr. Pentalini, please forgive us. What we saw and what was the truth were very deceiving. I should have known, though…Carson and Elliot are our star pupils. They would never do such a thing without good reason.”

  Elliot and I both give each other the look of ‘what the fuck is this guy on?’

  “Well, Mr. Knoxsin, the next time you accuse my son of such things again, I won’t hesitate to take matters into my own hands. Understood?”

  I’m taken aback over the power and influence that’s is emanating in waves from Vinny. It fills the whole room with a slight, threatening presence that causes a chilling silence. It strikes me in awe to watch the power he carries to bend and manipulate people with just his words.

  The only thing a man has in this life is his word.

  I now understand what that means.

  “Of course, sir! Please let me know if you need anything else from me. I actually have two tickets to the Yankees game for tomorrow night. I was going to go with my wife for our anniversary, but pshh, who needs to celebrate twenty-six years together anyway?” The guy is as pathetic as he is stupid. “Take them, and have fun, on me!”

  “I’m sure the boys would appreciate that, wouldn’t they?” Vinny asks facing Elliot and me.

  “Hell yeah, we would! They’re playing the Red Sox! Game of the damn century. Thanks, Mr. Knoxsin! Thanks, Mr. Pentalini!” Elliot grabs hold of the tickets and runs out of the office like they’re going to disappear at any second.

  “You wouldn’t mind if I took my son home early for the day now, would you?” Vinny asks, firmly grabbing hold of my shoulder, silently warning me that I’m in for an earful.